Saturday, October 3, 2009

5 Things That Will Drive Your Man Wild In Bed!!!

  1. SHOW UP: This is vital. If you’re not going to follow this one, I’d say forget the whole thing. If you go to his bed (or car/stairwell/clocktower/beneath an opera house writing the music of the night, etc.) you are well on your way to driving him wild. Like, more than halfway, I’d say. Call it 60%. Sold.
  2. BE ALIVE: Very important as well. Don’t skip this step just because it seems easy.
  3. HAVE FUN: This isn’t a trip to the dentist, right? (Unless your man IS your dentist, in which case, congrats!) Just remember that regardless of whatever you’re doing to him, if YOU’RE not having fun, the only guy who will be “driven wild” is the guy who doesn’t give a flying crapmobile whether or not you’re having fun. Oh and by the way, you’re not having fun. Which, if you think about it, isn’t that fun. Like, almost ever. Seriously, look it up.
  4. COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU WANT: Ideally, communicate it to him. And if you followed step one above, he ought to be the most convenient person to tell anyway. (Or at least in the top two.) He will LOVE this. Plus if you tell him what you want, it has the added benefit of making it remotely possible for you to maybe, you know, GET it. (See: HAVE FUN)
  5. PAY ATTENTION: Believe it or not, just like women, men are actually all at least slightly different from one another. (Some are named “Dave” for example, and some of them are totally not.) No dude wants to think that you’re just running through some weird magazine checklist you read — kind of makes us wonder how many other dudes have received this checklist from you, and we don’t really want to be thinking about them when our pants are off. I mean, don’t get me wrong — we’ll take the checklist of moves. But it won’t be as fun. Plus we’ll probably tell our idiot friends about it.
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